Not To Offend, Not To Look Down Upon... Keep An Open Mind & Try Not To Yawn!
Lauren Sandler may be my new favorite writer. Never has her name even crossed my radar... until the latest issue of Time magazine showed up at the doorstep this past weekend entitled: "The CHILDFREE Life: When Having It All Means Not Having Children". So I took the magazine, parked myself on the "sweet spot" on the couch and began engrossing myself into the article.
Here's a woman who has a child of her own but wrote an article speaking to both sides of the coin. So many points in this article hit home for me, but I discuss all of them here. I will do my best not to bore you with too many details... or at least I'll try not to. As you're reading this, please keep an open mind and understand that this is ONLY my opinion. I'm in no way diminishing the idea of motherhood or looking down upon those who are moms. I understand completely that it is the hardest job in the world. I'm just talking about how this particular article is finally showcasing the point of view of the "other side" in which is so "affectionately" referred to as Childless.
Many of you know me. Some of you don't. For those who do, know how vocal I've been about not wanting to have children of my own. Of course, adoption is always on the table, but still living at home with my own mother doesn't help push me up on that "waitlist" to adopt a child. Even at this point in my life, I don't feel the urgency most women do to have a child. I've been an avid babysitter since the age of 10, babysitting cousins and or friends' kid(s). As sweet as most of these children are/were, in no way did it tug at my ovaries enough for me to want to reproduce a Baby TrinaMena Jr.
We live in a world where motherhood is the ultimate goal in life. That somehow having children defines you as a superior woman compared to those who don't have children. The article mentions a professor asking his students who will become parents later in life and everyone in the class raised their hands, but when asked "why" they think that, no one had a clear cut answer. It almost suggests that society puts this unique pressure on people to have kids and by not having kids you are somehow "lesser" of a woman... I mean, even Time magazine itself asked its readers "Are You Mom Enough" several months ago. Thanks for the added pressure! :-P
For me, I've seen my mother struggle. Not financially (and even if she did, I never knew of it), but having a child with health problems couldn't have been easy.... or cheap. I've been hospitalized several times growing up, mostly due to my asthma and as most of you know, I am allergic to EVERYTHING! I've seen the emergency room more in my first 20 years of life than most of you will probably see in this lifetime. While y'all were watching "Bubble Boy" to get a good laugh, I was watching it for research!
I've also seen my mother stress over whether or not I was going to go to college after high school. Whether or not a boyfriend, or a girlfriend was "worthy" of being in my life. Not to say I was a bad child or anything. Every child gives their parents premature gray hair at some early point during motherhood, but watching my mom carefully plan out my life and question every decision she was making as a mother to make sure I was on the RIGHT path definitely put a unique type of pressure on me, but also on herself. I mean, what if I made a decision that wasn't a part of the plan? Will her friends think she failed as a mother? Will SHE think she failed as a mother? Does she feel this way now knowing her 30 year old still lives at home with her? We actually just had a conversation about this earlier today. It took us 30 years to get here, and you know what? As of now, we couldn't have asked for our relationship to be any better.
It doesn't help that everything in the media is geared towards being a mom or potentially one day being a mother. The article talks about the "Baby Care Market" revenue increasing from $41.3 billion to $62.3 billion since 2011! That is INSANE! Not to mention every other commercial speaks to moms "Choosy moms choose Jiff." "What I Want in a Babysitter" from Care.com or "Imagine, Knowing You're Pregnant The Moment It Happens" from First Response. These are just a few examples, but if it doesn't involve making me look YOUNGER than I do (Really? Because I'm a 30 year old woman who STILL gets carded at R rated movies!), which diaper is more cost efficient or potentially joining a dating website (I'll pass), I'm changing the channel.
I know some people think "Well, your biological clock is ticking." "Don't you want to be a mom?" And I'm asked every so often by my friends and colleagues as to when I'm having kids. "Oh your mentality will change." "You'll want kids...one day." Little do most of them know I've had this mentality since I was 16. Some might even think it's selfish of me to not want to have kids. You know what? They're absolutely right. I am selfish. And I'm not afraid to admit it. I want the life that I want & I shouldn't have to apologize for that (and I won't)! In being an only child, I've been sort of accustomed to getting what I want, but now that the focus has shifted to something I don't want, now that is getting called into question. If the "baby bug" hits me, it'll hit me when it's supposed to... we can just leave it at that!
Now my purpose in writing this isn't to express that not being a mother is in any way better than being a mother. I have quite a few friends who are great mothers. Sh*t, I have one helluva momma! She's amazing, she's my rock and without her decision to have me I wouldn't be here doing what I do. I'm saying that being a mother isn't for me, it isn't for everyone and by choosing not to be a mother doesn't make me less of a woman than those who choose to be moms. I've wiped my fair share of tears, I've changed PLENTY of diapers, I've even kissed booboos, scared away "monsters" and calmed fears after a nightmare. I don't have to carry a baby in my stomach for 9 months or push a baby out of my hoo to prove how "strong" I am. Those who have children have everything they want as mothers, and by my choosing to be childfree, I have everything I want at this point in my life.
I hope I have not offended anyone by writing this. We all make choices in life. I don't judge those who choose to be moms. I don't want to be judged for choosing not to be one. No, I'm not "Mom Enough", I'm Katrina Enough and frankly, that's more than enough for me!
I hope you've enjoyed reading this as much as I have writing it. Until my next blog, hopefully not as long of a wait since my last entry...
Keep it Cool!
-Katrina xoxox
Here's a woman who has a child of her own but wrote an article speaking to both sides of the coin. So many points in this article hit home for me, but I discuss all of them here. I will do my best not to bore you with too many details... or at least I'll try not to. As you're reading this, please keep an open mind and understand that this is ONLY my opinion. I'm in no way diminishing the idea of motherhood or looking down upon those who are moms. I understand completely that it is the hardest job in the world. I'm just talking about how this particular article is finally showcasing the point of view of the "other side" in which is so "affectionately" referred to as Childless.
Many of you know me. Some of you don't. For those who do, know how vocal I've been about not wanting to have children of my own. Of course, adoption is always on the table, but still living at home with my own mother doesn't help push me up on that "waitlist" to adopt a child. Even at this point in my life, I don't feel the urgency most women do to have a child. I've been an avid babysitter since the age of 10, babysitting cousins and or friends' kid(s). As sweet as most of these children are/were, in no way did it tug at my ovaries enough for me to want to reproduce a Baby TrinaMena Jr.
We live in a world where motherhood is the ultimate goal in life. That somehow having children defines you as a superior woman compared to those who don't have children. The article mentions a professor asking his students who will become parents later in life and everyone in the class raised their hands, but when asked "why" they think that, no one had a clear cut answer. It almost suggests that society puts this unique pressure on people to have kids and by not having kids you are somehow "lesser" of a woman... I mean, even Time magazine itself asked its readers "Are You Mom Enough" several months ago. Thanks for the added pressure! :-P
For me, I've seen my mother struggle. Not financially (and even if she did, I never knew of it), but having a child with health problems couldn't have been easy.... or cheap. I've been hospitalized several times growing up, mostly due to my asthma and as most of you know, I am allergic to EVERYTHING! I've seen the emergency room more in my first 20 years of life than most of you will probably see in this lifetime. While y'all were watching "Bubble Boy" to get a good laugh, I was watching it for research!
I've also seen my mother stress over whether or not I was going to go to college after high school. Whether or not a boyfriend, or a girlfriend was "worthy" of being in my life. Not to say I was a bad child or anything. Every child gives their parents premature gray hair at some early point during motherhood, but watching my mom carefully plan out my life and question every decision she was making as a mother to make sure I was on the RIGHT path definitely put a unique type of pressure on me, but also on herself. I mean, what if I made a decision that wasn't a part of the plan? Will her friends think she failed as a mother? Will SHE think she failed as a mother? Does she feel this way now knowing her 30 year old still lives at home with her? We actually just had a conversation about this earlier today. It took us 30 years to get here, and you know what? As of now, we couldn't have asked for our relationship to be any better.
It doesn't help that everything in the media is geared towards being a mom or potentially one day being a mother. The article talks about the "Baby Care Market" revenue increasing from $41.3 billion to $62.3 billion since 2011! That is INSANE! Not to mention every other commercial speaks to moms "Choosy moms choose Jiff." "What I Want in a Babysitter" from Care.com or "Imagine, Knowing You're Pregnant The Moment It Happens" from First Response. These are just a few examples, but if it doesn't involve making me look YOUNGER than I do (Really? Because I'm a 30 year old woman who STILL gets carded at R rated movies!), which diaper is more cost efficient or potentially joining a dating website (I'll pass), I'm changing the channel.
I know some people think "Well, your biological clock is ticking." "Don't you want to be a mom?" And I'm asked every so often by my friends and colleagues as to when I'm having kids. "Oh your mentality will change." "You'll want kids...one day." Little do most of them know I've had this mentality since I was 16. Some might even think it's selfish of me to not want to have kids. You know what? They're absolutely right. I am selfish. And I'm not afraid to admit it. I want the life that I want & I shouldn't have to apologize for that (and I won't)! In being an only child, I've been sort of accustomed to getting what I want, but now that the focus has shifted to something I don't want, now that is getting called into question. If the "baby bug" hits me, it'll hit me when it's supposed to... we can just leave it at that!
Now my purpose in writing this isn't to express that not being a mother is in any way better than being a mother. I have quite a few friends who are great mothers. Sh*t, I have one helluva momma! She's amazing, she's my rock and without her decision to have me I wouldn't be here doing what I do. I'm saying that being a mother isn't for me, it isn't for everyone and by choosing not to be a mother doesn't make me less of a woman than those who choose to be moms. I've wiped my fair share of tears, I've changed PLENTY of diapers, I've even kissed booboos, scared away "monsters" and calmed fears after a nightmare. I don't have to carry a baby in my stomach for 9 months or push a baby out of my hoo to prove how "strong" I am. Those who have children have everything they want as mothers, and by my choosing to be childfree, I have everything I want at this point in my life.
I hope I have not offended anyone by writing this. We all make choices in life. I don't judge those who choose to be moms. I don't want to be judged for choosing not to be one. No, I'm not "Mom Enough", I'm Katrina Enough and frankly, that's more than enough for me!
I hope you've enjoyed reading this as much as I have writing it. Until my next blog, hopefully not as long of a wait since my last entry...
Keep it Cool!
-Katrina xoxox
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