|this... so accurate|
It's difficult to not go online and see what people are saying/posting, especially after the horrific events that occurred in Orlando this past weekend. You try to avoid it, but one post leads to another, one click leads you to another link, and another link... you get it. The outpouring of love, support that has stemmed from this makes my heart smile (slightly) through this tragedy. But with everything else in this world, with the good comes the ugly... the REAL ugly. When a presidential nominee (might have thrown up in my mouth a little bit writing that) responds to a tragedy with "appreciate the congrats", my first thought is "is he serious? no, for real... is he FUCKIN serious?" I'm not apologetic for dropping the F bomb here. It's BEYOND necessary. Or when I see friends' post that they're afraid to go to Pride celebrations because they're fearful of their lives. Or friends sending me text messages asking me to stay home while expressing the mind numbing terror that is surging through their souls, this would explain why my heart only smiled "slightly" and that didn't last long.
When trying to make sense of it, I can't. There is nothing about it that makes sense. I ask so many questions to myself that look/sound like: "what would make someone do something this horrible?" "where did all of that hate come from?" "Are you not exhausted from hating something/someone you don't understand?" Maybe the real questions are: What is it about the Gay / Lesbian world that makes you so uncomfortable? Is it because it goes against your norm? Is it because you think it's wrong? And please refrain from throwing bible verses at me. In no way does it say that Jesus' love for me has limitations/perimeters on it because I'm a woman who loves a woman.
|I mean, seriously! Explain that to me, please... don't worry, I'll wait!|
Now, for a moment, if you could do me a huge favor and imagine this. You are living your life, job, bills, friends... not a "care" in the world and then... there they are. The love of your life. The one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Now, imagine your love for them is looked at as an abomination. Extreme right? The world judges you, makes endless negative comments towards how you love this one person, but you're confused because it doesn't directly affect them in any way. Your lives are also threatened because of who you love. Now, again, imagine if you lived in a world where if loving a man was wrong because you're a woman? What if, as a woman, you couldn't hold your man's hand in public, or worse, you couldn't marry him? *gasp* Changes the game, doesn't it? Now I ask Why should it be any different for me? I'm human, just like you. I do my best to be a contributing member of society, like you. I don't break any (of the good) laws, and I may throw a few sarcastic remarks here and there. I just want to make those around me smile, so why can't I love who I want to love? And above all WHY do you care so much? Your relationship with your man doesn't affect mine with my lady, why does it really matter? The heartbreaking point I'm trying to make with this, my girlfriend and I are already iffy about holding hands in public because of how we'll be perceived by others and whether or not we'll make YOU uncomfortable (sad isn't it?). Sadly, the events in Orlando will, for sure, cement this feeling further. It shouldn't but it will... also heartbreaking.
In continuing this heartbreak, when I read posts (I told y'all it's so hard not to) talk about the "gay agenda". My first thought was, "you can't be serious, right?" but you are, with every fiber in your being, you believe in that as much as you did when you were little and thought Santa left those gifts under the tree for you (sorry to break y'all's hearts if you thought he still existed). In the event no one has cleared up this "misunderstanding" for you, let me be the first to tell you it's not an agenda. It's the way of life you have the ability/opportunity/privilege to live every day, without question, without ridicule, without judgement but because I love a woman, it's an "agenda"? Please oh please put that mess in the trash with the rest of your inhumane ideals of what life "should" be. Of course, you are entitled to think/feel/say what you want, but understand this. If you think that love & acceptance should come with restrictions to suit your comfort level(s), you're doing the adult thing ALL wrong.
What puts this on another level of sadness is in about a month's time, we will be on to the next "story". This will be obsolete until the year anniversary comes up, and the media feels some type of ridiculous obligation to mention the tragedy and any "updates" (spoiler alert: there won't be any) on gun laws, and how the LGBTQA community is dealing with this a year later.... blah blah freaking BLAH! Every day, I try to be a beacon of positivity. Some days are better than others, plus it can't happen all of the time, because that's not realistic. I do what I can to see the silver lining in every situation. Honestly, this is a vicious cycle. The same pattern will continue, nothing will change and situations as volatile as this one will get worse before it gets better... which, once again, is absolutely heartbreaking.
In case you haven't picked up on it, this post feels all over the place. It's very reflective as to what's going on in inside of my heart right now. And also with this country, It's ALL. OVER. THE. PLACE! What I can take away from it is this... There is evil everywhere. Moving away won't solve the problem. Thinking it doesn't exist is SURE not a way to deal with it. Whenever something like this happens, I always call my dad, the tree huggin' hippie, who has always found a way to bring love into the equation, no matter how dire the situation is. With that, I'll leave you with his words... "You're not meant to understand the horrible things that happen. You will drive yourself crazy if you do. You have to find a way back to love. Love heals everything. Yes that might sound cliche and obvious, but it's all true. Don't let the fear consume you. You have to live your life the most authentic way you know how. If you do that, everything else will fall into place for you." Love that man.
|I'll leave this here for you... just to ponder, if you want.|
Hope this gave you a clearer view of perspective of someone you know. If at any point you have questions about the contents of this post, please don't hesitate to reach out to me. I am always up for having adult/non argumentative conversations about this thing called life. By no means will I attempt to change your mind on anything, but if we can come to an agreement throughout the conversation that love is love is love IS love, than that's all any of us can hope for. As sucky as Monday's can be, I hope you are able to find love on this day, and every other day! xoxox