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Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Imagine the Olympics In Boston?! Yeah, Me Either...

When I heard that Boston was on the list of potential cities to host an Olympic Games, at first I thought it was a joke. I wondered if the Olympic Committee had ever been to Boston to even consider it. They can't be SERIOUS, right?

So clearly, this little piece of news inspired this blog post. I've come up with a letter to the committee making this decision... Should I send it?!

Dear Olympic Committee,

I PROMISE you will NEVER want to have The Olympic Games in Boston. Sure, we're flattered to be considered, but here are several reasons why you wouldn't want to host the Games here:

1. Have you seen the layout of this city? Good luck finding your way around the city that's littered with one way streets (because there are a LOT of those) & then getting lost for an additional 20 mins (sometimes an hour) because you took a wrong turn. And the parking... oh wait, what's that?!... never mind!

If you think this is bad, you should see the 'burbs.

2. The MBTA is quite the nightmare, especially during the summer. Have you ever been stuck on a broken down train in the middle of the summer standing next to a guy who forgot to shower that day?! Yeah, you don't want that life. Plus, if you want to get somewhere on time, you'd have more luck walking there than taking the T.

3. Have you talked to any of us here? Like actually spoken to a Bostonian with their accent? Could you imagine someone who isn't from here asking for directions and the response is, "Dude guy, you wanna bang a yewie and stay to the fah right. Pass Ahlington Station and you'll see the Public Gahdens up ahead."

4. We are a city that's proud of their athletes/hometown teams, even if they drive us to drink and pill pop from time to time. We don't need the Olympics to reaffirm Boston as a "world class city". We're good, thanks!

I think if you take these into consideration, you'll find that Boston doesn't meet your "Olympic needs". It's not that it wouldn't be a cool experience to have the world's best athletes roaming the streets of Boston, but we don't need the bajillion dollar price tag that comes along with. I love my city just the way it is with all of its dysfunctional massholes from one one-way street right down to the dirty watah!
So whomever suggested Boston be on this list, feel free to punch them in the face! 

Thanks... but NO Thanks!
Sincerely a Wicked Proud Bostonian,

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

It's Not A Big Deal... It's A Sign Of Respect

 As I'm listening to my country Pandora station (yes, that happens... often), the song "Southern State of Mind" By Darius Rucker comes on. In this song, one of the lines sings about when women don't like it when you say "Yes Ma'am".

I never understood why the word "ma'am" freaks women out. Literal FREAK out. Responses that usually come with an attitude "Oh my GAWD. I'm not THAT old!" You would've thought I called them everything but a child of God.

I've often been asked if I'm in the military or from the South. I laugh at the military question because anyone who knows me KNOWS I can't take orders from anyone other than my momma!

But the "are you from the South?" question could be somewhat relevant. My mom's side of the family hails from Albany, GA... yeah, DEEP south right there! But I was always taught by my mother, my grandmother and my great grandmother whenever you're speaking to anyone, female or male (age didn't matter because most of the time you couldn't tell if they were older or younger), you ALWAYS answer with: "Yes ma'am" or "No ma'am", "Yes sir" or "No sir". 

It's not that I'm trying to make anyone feel older than they are. I understand that women tend to have this "complex" of always wanting to feel/be/act younger than they are (thank you society for screwing THAT up), but when I respond to you saying "yes ma'am", it's a sign of respect. Anytime I'm talking to a woman (typically in a customer service setting), when I refer to her as "ma'am", she usually responds with a horrified look on her face and says "Ma'am?!" My response to them, "I mean, would you rather I answer you, 'okay lady!'?"... yeah, I didn't think so either. Point, made!

So next time someone (older or younger) responds to you saying "yes ma'am" or "yes sir", smile at them and inside your head, thank their parents. With all of the crazy things kids get into these days, you can be grateful that they got THIS one right.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Why My Allergies Are Not a Joke… But It Is Kind of Funny

If you live in New England, you know spring doesn't really start until the end of April. But if you live in New England and you have allergies, dates on a calendar mean absolute shit!

But it's not just seasonal allergies that I have. It's "allergic to Life minus peanut butter" allergies. Yeah, you read that right. I'm allergic to just about EVERYTHING, but peanut butter. Go figure! It's a good thing I'm not allergic to peanut butter though. I think I would have severe depression if I were allergic to it. I eat that ish every day!

Oh, I have food allergies too that occur every now and then. No worries. I carry an Epipen JUST in case. I've been lucky (knock on wood) to have not been in a situation where I'd have to use it since I was 8 years old (bee sting = no fun). You should see the TSA employees when I have to go through security at the airport with that thing… In case you're not sure what it is, it's a needle WITH a liquid (epinephrine)! Yeah, I get pulled for extra security from time to time with that one!

Really lady?
Seriously though, I'm lucky if I can go a week without showing my mom the hives that have popped up on my body. Her first question is always "What did you eat now?"

eh, that's my life.
For as long as I can remember, I've always had the worst allergies. Coupled with asthma, I'm the life of the party (not really).
It's hard to figure out sometimes…
"Should I take another Zyrtec?"
*looks at clock*
"Maybe I could take a Benadryl…"
*looks through medicine cabinet*
"There's got to be an allergy creme in here somewhere."

I have these convos with myself at LEAST a handful of times throughout the week. And the solution… take a Benadryl.

Once, my boss got flowers from her husband. They were gorgeous and she wanted to share them with the office... backtrack: My cubicle is out in the open and shared with the entire office space, but I don't have an actual office, if that makes sense…. so when she put the flowers on the table next to my cubicle, within 3 minutes I began to feel my eyes itch, my throat felt scratchy and my chest tighten up. I held my breath as I got up to go to the table, picked up the flowers and put them on the table in her office and walked out, exhaling (perhaps) dramatically. She immediately apologized for unintentionally trying to kill me. I just took a Zyrtec (because I have a supply of that ish in my desk, believe THAT!) and we laughed it off.
heart you boss lady…!!
It's an "interesting" life living with the severity of these allergies. I mean, my mom doesn't have any crazy allergies that I know of. My dad has seasonal allergies, nothing too crazy either. How I got stuck with the massive amounts of stuff I'm allergic to is beyond me.

You know when people get sick, they go to the dr.'s and get prescribed an antibiotic. Not me. I have to "tough it out" and/or use over the counter stuff. Why? You've guessed it, I'm allergic… to ALL antibiotics!

You know when you go out into the sun and you get sunburned. Most people use aloe vera as a means of soothing their pain. Not me. I have to use cocoa butter, which by the way, doesn't work. Why? DING DING DING! I'm allergic to aloe. And that stuff is in EVERY thing these days!

You know when you go out to breakfast and you order a coffee and maybe a breakfast sandwich or pancakes. Most people get the egg with their sandwich or maybe even scrambled eggs on the side. Not me. I get everything else minus the egg. Why? Oh, that's because me and the yolk don't get a long.

Unless I'm "loaded" up on allergy meds and have my inhaler handy, I'm basically defenseless when it comes to an allergy attack. Going to a friends'/family's house when they have cats (typically) doesn't work for me… unless the windows are open, and even that's no guarantee of not getting attacked, literally.

This is only the tip of the iceberg. There are a few more foods and a slew of other products I'm allergic too, along with the air I breathe, but you get the idea! And yeah, I can joke about my allergies, but it's serious stuff. More often than not, I can usually sense when it's gonna smack me in the face, but when it doesn't… Well, you remember the movie "Hitch" right? Yeah. This is my life...

So while I know we are all looking forward to warmer temperatures, days filled with sunshine and Spring to finally come to New England, for an all year round allergy sufferer like myself, this is how I feel about Spring Season!