Why My Allergies Are Not a Joke… But It Is Kind of Funny

If you live in New England, you know spring doesn't really start until the end of April. But if you live in New England and you have allergies, dates on a calendar mean absolute shit!

But it's not just seasonal allergies that I have. It's "allergic to Life minus peanut butter" allergies. Yeah, you read that right. I'm allergic to just about EVERYTHING, but peanut butter. Go figure! It's a good thing I'm not allergic to peanut butter though. I think I would have severe depression if I were allergic to it. I eat that ish every day!

Oh, I have food allergies too that occur every now and then. No worries. I carry an Epipen JUST in case. I've been lucky (knock on wood) to have not been in a situation where I'd have to use it since I was 8 years old (bee sting = no fun). You should see the TSA employees when I have to go through security at the airport with that thing… In case you're not sure what it is, it's a needle WITH a liquid (epinephrine)! Yeah, I get pulled for extra security from time to time with that one!

Really lady?
Seriously though, I'm lucky if I can go a week without showing my mom the hives that have popped up on my body. Her first question is always "What did you eat now?"

eh, that's my life.
For as long as I can remember, I've always had the worst allergies. Coupled with asthma, I'm the life of the party (not really).
It's hard to figure out sometimes…
"Should I take another Zyrtec?"
*looks at clock*
"Maybe I could take a Benadryl…"
*looks through medicine cabinet*
"There's got to be an allergy creme in here somewhere."

I have these convos with myself at LEAST a handful of times throughout the week. And the solution… take a Benadryl.


Once, my boss got flowers from her husband. They were gorgeous and she wanted to share them with the office... backtrack: My cubicle is out in the open and shared with the entire office space, but I don't have an actual office, if that makes sense…. so when she put the flowers on the table next to my cubicle, within 3 minutes I began to feel my eyes itch, my throat felt scratchy and my chest tighten up. I held my breath as I got up to go to the table, picked up the flowers and put them on the table in her office and walked out, exhaling (perhaps) dramatically. She immediately apologized for unintentionally trying to kill me. I just took a Zyrtec (because I have a supply of that ish in my desk, believe THAT!) and we laughed it off.
heart you boss lady…!!
It's an "interesting" life living with the severity of these allergies. I mean, my mom doesn't have any crazy allergies that I know of. My dad has seasonal allergies, nothing too crazy either. How I got stuck with the massive amounts of stuff I'm allergic to is beyond me.


You know when people get sick, they go to the dr.'s and get prescribed an antibiotic. Not me. I have to "tough it out" and/or use over the counter stuff. Why? You've guessed it, I'm allergic… to ALL antibiotics!

You know when you go out into the sun and you get sunburned. Most people use aloe vera as a means of soothing their pain. Not me. I have to use cocoa butter, which by the way, doesn't work. Why? DING DING DING! I'm allergic to aloe. And that stuff is in EVERY thing these days!

You know when you go out to breakfast and you order a coffee and maybe a breakfast sandwich or pancakes. Most people get the egg with their sandwich or maybe even scrambled eggs on the side. Not me. I get everything else minus the egg. Why? Oh, that's because me and the yolk don't get a long.

Unless I'm "loaded" up on allergy meds and have my inhaler handy, I'm basically defenseless when it comes to an allergy attack. Going to a friends'/family's house when they have cats (typically) doesn't work for me… unless the windows are open, and even that's no guarantee of not getting attacked, literally.

This is only the tip of the iceberg. There are a few more foods and a slew of other products I'm allergic too, along with the air I breathe, but you get the idea! And yeah, I can joke about my allergies, but it's serious stuff. More often than not, I can usually sense when it's gonna smack me in the face, but when it doesn't… Well, you remember the movie "Hitch" right? Yeah. This is my life...


So while I know we are all looking forward to warmer temperatures, days filled with sunshine and Spring to finally come to New England, for an all year round allergy sufferer like myself, this is how I feel about Spring Season!


blah...

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